


Lust for Life

by AmbitiousSoul



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Abuse, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Blood and Injury, Dark Past, Eating Disorders, F/M, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Mental Health Issues, Minor Character Death, OT12 - Freeform, Slow Burn, Smut, Teen Pregnancy, Underage Drinking, Underage Sex, Underage Smoking, Violence, other characters will come eventually, some with major roles some with minor roles
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-27
Updated: 2018-09-27
Packaged: 2019-07-18 03:56:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16110296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmbitiousSoul/pseuds/AmbitiousSoul
Summary: This is the story of a girl who's lost and broken and the boy who will do anything to help her find and piece herself back together. Both are far from perfect and hit many bumps along the way. In the end will they be able to embrace their truth's and fight their demons head on. Or will they let the cruel reality that is life keep them from what they want most in the world...eachother."In these stolen momentsThe world is mineThere's nobody here, just us togetherKeepin' me hot like July forever'Cause we're the masters of our own fateWe're the captains of our own soulsThere's no way for us to come away'Cause boy we're gold" Lust For Life by Lana Del Rey





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This has been cooking up inside my head for years. I really hope I can do it justice. It will be long, I don't know how long yet I'm just going to let it happen. I figured if I post it I can finally stop writing it in my head and finally share it. 
> 
> Disclaimer: This story will have a lot of triggering themes such as: eating disorders, drug abuse, abuse, alcoholism, and underage drinking and under age pregnancy. There will also be blood but not gory. There will be a minor character death. There will be angst a lot of it. 
> 
>  
> 
> Happy reading~~

                                                                                           Kris

            I stood in the doorway and watched her peaceful slumber, I knew there was a stupid smile on my face but it was a smile reserved for her and only her. She was breathtaking and I was off the deep end in love. There was nothing about her that was perfect, in fact she was very much broken, but that’s what I loved most about her. She was only broken for me but to the world she was perfection.

            Shaking out of my stupor my feet moved me to her bed. I knelt down so that I was eye level with her and stroked the side of her face with a racing heart from the reaction I received. A hint of a smile graced her lips as she unconsciously nuzzled into the warmth of my hand. Biting my lip I ran my hand down her side loving how she reacted to my touch. Loving how I was the only one who could get this type of reaction.

            My hand paused just below her ribs when a sharp gasp escaped her lips. I couldn’t help but frown because it was unlike the gasps I was used to but instead a gasp of pain. Out of instinct I lightly pressed down on the spot where my hand was left frozen and this time she flinched away from my touch my frown deepened. Ever so gently sliding her shirt up so not to wake her I discovered the cause of such reaction, there staring me in the face was a big angry looking black and purple bruise. Big and ugly it stared at me as if to taunt me only making my blood boil. I didn’t even realize that I let out an angry yell until she arose from her sleep with a startled look on her face. The look quickly changed to surprise when she realized it was me standing in front of her, but before she could utter a word I was snatching her shirt back up.

“What the fuck is this?!” I yelled while she struggled to get her shirt out my grasp.

            When she finally freed herself from my clutches she crossed her arms in front of herself as if to hide herself from me. Looking down at the ground she muttered a reply.

            “Ashley and I went out last night and we ended up getting into some trouble,” I scoffed

            “Now can you look me in my eye and tell me the truth,” I scolded almost offended that she was actually lying to me.

 I could tell she was having some sort of internal battle before sighing and finally fixing her gaze upon me. I felt a tug on my heart when her eyes reached my, they looked so lost and empty.

“I am telling you the truth Ashley ended up hooking up with some girls fiancé and her and her friends weren’t too happy about it, I mean I wouldn’t be either and technically Ashley was in the wrong, but I wasn’t going to let her get jumped she’s my best friend,” she quickly retorted.

Half of me wanted to continue to question her because I knew she was hiding something but the half that was so foolishly in love with her decided to let it go because she would tell me when she was ready. I sighed leaning down so that our noses were touching searching those gorgeous gray eyes for answers I knew I probably would never get.

“I promise that’s what happened,” she whispered.

There was a slight pout on her lips that I couldn’t help but kiss away. One peck, followed by another, then another before I felt her push on my chest.

“We can’t, I have school and my boy-” my low growl cut her off and I tried to keep my anger at bay.

“Don’t”

“Kris.”

“Don’t you dare,” I said as backed her further on the bed pinning her hands above her head, “you weren’t thinking about him last time and I damn sure don’t want you thinking about him now,” I said as I nipped at her neck.

I could feel her squirm under me and letting out a little noise, I looked up at her.

“You make it pretty damn easy not to,” she said lust clouding over her eyes as I sucked on her bottom lip bringing out the gasp I yearned to hear.

“Admit it, I’m the only one that can get you like this,” I whispered in her ear before biting the lobe then nibbling just below it, I heard her let out a small moan prompting me to continue my ministrations.

 “I’m the only one you part those pretty legs for,” I said as I ran my hand down her thigh gripping it and wrapping it around my waist while the other one followed locking me into place.

“I’m your one and only,” I said as my hand slid up to her pretty pussy that was all wet and ready for me, “Would you look at that, no panties, and you’re already soaking wet for me baby,” I teased brushing my fingers up and down her kitty.

“Oh fuck,” she moaned.

“Ah ah ah,” I stopped my movements and she whined shooting me an angry glare.

“You already know you’re my one and only why do I have to say it ass-ahh,” I smirked as her angry rant stopped in favor of enjoying my long thick fingers exploring her insides.

“Good girl.”

I kissed her and she bit down on my lip hard enough that I could taste blood, I groaned and pulled away glaring at her.

“Yah!”

“Not sorry,” she said in-between moans, “fuck I’m about to come.”

That was my que to go faster as her moans got louder.

She came moaning my name. I pulled my fingers out of her and put them in my mouth savoring the taste of her. She laid there watching me while coming down from her high.

“You taste so good baby.”

“Let go of my wrists.”

“Not just yet, I’m just getting started,” she whined.

I kissed her and worked my way down to her neck suckling on the sensitive area making sure to leave my mark.

“No” she moaned out in protest

“Why not? You’re mines, are you not?” I questioned before going lower biting her nipple through her shirt as another one of her sweet cries reached my ears.

I continued to kiss my way down until I reached my goal. Hiking both her legs on my shoulder I gave her one last glance.

 “That question required an answer,” were my last words before diving into her dripping core. Her back arched and I could feel her legs tightening around my head.

“Oh yes! Yes! I’m all yours!”

She shouted out in pleasure as she rolled her hips against my tongue.

Her sweet cries and moans of my name was like music to my ears as I tongue fucked her. Her heavy pants and pleads for me to let her wrist go told me that she was about to reach her second orgasm so I obliged freeing her hands. I gripped both of her thighs and pulled her closer to me alternating between sucking harder and licking faster. I felt her hands in my hair tugging as she came undone for me.

Licking her clean I removed her thighs from my shoulders giving each one a lingering kiss before working my way up to her mouth. She was already spent and I was only just beginning. Wrapping her hands around my neck she pulled me down for a kiss. I pushed my tongue in her mouth and she welcomed it. The thought of her tasting herself made me even harder. I pressed myself down so she could feel how aroused she had gotten me receiving a beautiful moan in return.

My fingers lingered over her tee shirt hesitating to take it off dreading the big purple bruise that awaited underneath. Her hands found mines lacing her fingers with mines.   
"Seriously I'm fine don't ruin the mood," she said kissing me as a way to distract me from the bruise on her side.   
With newfound vigor my hands moved to take her shirt off. Pulling away from our kiss my eyes couldn't help but find the ugly blemish that should have never been there to begin with. Before she could speak I leaned down and softly kissed the tender spot twice. I heard her giggle a little and it brought a smile to my face.   
"Why am I the only one naked," She asked.  
Shaking my head at her impatience I leaned up removing my shirt tossing it somewhere before moving down to my pants. Without leaving her eyes I started to undo my belt. She bit her lip sitting up to speed up the process.   
"You're being such a tease and I hate it," she said sliding my pants down along with my boxers.  
Once free of my pants her hand wrapped around my cock and gave it a nice squeeze.

“You really need to learn patience,” I groaned out as she sped up her ministrations closing my eyes and throwing my head back.

“Patience my ass,” I heard her grumble before sucking on the tip of my cock.

“Fuck.”

My hips involuntarily jerked forward slipping more of me past her lips and she gladly accepted. I couldn’t help but look down at her not surprised to meet her eyes. There was a trace of a smile on her lips as she relaxed her throat and took me in deeper all the while looking up at me with expectant eyes. Biting my lip I grabbed her hair making sure to get a good grip before I roughly started to fuck her face not once breaking eye contact. I savored in the warmth of her mouth as my rhythm started to stutter as I began reaching my orgasm. When my grip on her hair tightened she put her hands on my hips to restrict my movements. I obliged and she pulled me out some only leaving the tip in. She sucked and flicked her tongue across my slit a few times before running her tongue up the underside of my cock. She continued to do that until I came, admiring her as she swallowed every drop before releasing me.

“Now who’s being the tease,” I said as I tugged on her hair.

“Karma,” was her hoarse reply

Grabbing her legs I flipped her over on her stomach landing a smack on her ass.

“I see how you want it today, ass up baby,” another smack landed on her ass.

A moan of excitement escaped her lips before she was lifting up onto all fours going into a perfect arch. I reached over to her nightstand opening the drawer and getting a condom. Successfully opening it and rolling it on, I aligned myself with her entrance. She tried to push back but I held her in place while running my tip up and down her dripping lips. She looked back at me with fire in her eyes, I smirked pushing all the way in not giving her time to adjust before I started to rapidly thrust. She dropped her head into the sheets muffling her moans and I wasn’t having any of it. Sliding one of my hands from her hips I tangled it in her hair pulling her up into a kiss.

“I want to hear you,” I said after breaking the kiss looking her in the eyes.

She bit her lip before moaning out not once breaking eye contact as moans continued to fall from her lips.

“Fuck you drive me crazy.”

 I untangled my hand from her hair and moved it down to cup and squeeze her breast kissing down her neck to leave more of my marks as I fucked into her harder.

“Yifan.”

The use of my birth name made me bite down harder on her neck causing her to cry out in pain and pleasure. She continued to sing out Yifan like a mantra until I could no longer take it. Pulling out I flipped her over throwing her legs over my shoulders and slipping back into her. I leaned down folding her in half in order to ravage her lips swallowing her moans as I continued to pound into her. When she started yelling out in other languages I knew she’d be hitting her third orgasm soon so I started thrusting into her slow and hard guiding her legs from my shoulders to my waist. Once they were securely wrapped around my waist her arms wrapped around my neck and she pulled me into a slow passionate kiss as we both reached her orgasms. Moaning each other’s names we both continued to kiss as we rode out our orgasms.

Once we were both satiated I pulled out of her getting up and going to her bathroom to dispose of the condom. When I came back she was still sprawled out in the middle of the bed. I chuckled climbing onto the bed and fixing us both in a comfortable position of my laying on the pillows and her on my chest. It was silent for a while before she spoke.

“What are you doing here? Not that I’m complaining or anything just curious,” she looked up at me.

 I couldn’t help but get lost in her eyes they were beautiful yet held so many dark secrets.

“Have I ever told you how beautiful your eyes are?”

“No you haven’t and I thank you for the compliment. Now answer my question,” she said slapping my chest, I winced.

“That hurt.”

“Good.”

There was no winning with her.

“I may or may not have gotten suspended.”

“What did you do?”

“Why do you assume it was my fault?”

“Because I know you,”

“I got caught smoking weed in the dorms,”

“Tonto”

“If you’re going to name call do it in a language I know at least.”

She laughed and kissed the underside of my chin.

“Next question,” I hummed for her to continue, “does your mother know you’re here?”

“Does it matter?”

She pinched my side.

"Dammit stop abusing me,"

"Then start talking."

So bossy.

"No she doesn't know. I haven't went home. I figured it would be a great opportunity to come see you."

"Your mom probably already thinks I'm a bad influence, why would you do that?"

I snorted

"Trust me she thinks quite the opposite."

"Whatever Yifan"

"I thought that name was only reserved for sex?"

"Thinking comes from not knowing now doesn't it? I also reserve it for when you're being annoying or I'm mad at you."

"So which one are you now?"

"A little bit of both."

"If it makes you feel any better my mom is in Hong Kong with my stepdad and brother trust me she won't miss me."

She didn't say anything. I sighed.

"Is this really the treatment I get for missing you?!"

"I know you didn't do that stupid shit to get suspended just because you missed me," she scolded

"No I didn't. I just used the suspension as an opportunity to come see you. I thought you'd be happy, but I guess not," I said annoyed

"You know I'm always happy to see you Kris don't even try it," she sighed "I don't want to argue with you."

"I couldn't tell."

"If you're going to be like this you can just leave."

"Why so you can call you boyfriend over!"

"You're not being fair. You know I wouldn’t do that."

She sat up and looked at me. I scoffed.

"I'm not being fair but you're the one fucking me and running back to your boyfriend. What you see in that piece of shit I'll never know."

She was silent for a while. I knew what I said was a low blow and meeting her eyes only confirmed it. She shook her head and let out a dry laugh.

"As much as I want to punch you in the face right now and be mad at you, I can't."

I started to say something but she held her hand up letting me know she wasn't finished.

"You're absolutely right, but I didn't expect this to happen between us, at least not yet. I'm in a difficult situation right now and what's going on between us only complicates things more. I know how I feel about you but it scares me because we're so young. I don't want to end up like my mother."

She looked so vulnerable opening up to me and it made me feel like even more of a dick. I sat up and wrapped her in my arms kissing her head. She sighed in content and I could feel her leaving little kisses on my chest.

"Baby you know I'd never put you in and situation like that. I just hate seeing you with someone that makes you so unhappy when I'm here willing to give you all the happiness in the world because you deserve nothing less."

"I know and I appreciate you for that. I love you so much more for that. But he's going through a lot right now and I can't bring myself to abandon him like everyone else has."

"That's because you’re a good person. And I have to trust that you're making the right choice."

I sighed.

"I realized way before I knew I was in love with you that I had no feelings for him. I guess I settled because a part of me was used to the routine and doing what was expected of me while the other part of me didn't want to kick him while he was already down. I want to break up with him I just don’t know how."

“I’ll do it for you if you want.”

“Thanks but I don’t thinks that’s one of your best ideas.”

“Fine. But I’m kicking his ass as soon as you do.”

“If it’ll make you happy.”

I fell back on the bed bringing her with me pulling her closer so she was now laying on top of me. My fingers trailing up and down her back.

“Babe you’ve lost weight since the last time I saw you, I don’t like it you’re too skinny.”

“Hmm I haven’t noticed.”

“I was going to suggest another round but I think we need to get some food in you you’re too thin.”

“I’m not hungry. But another round sounds like a great idea.”

“Do I need to be concerned?”

I lifted her chin so she could meet my gaze.

“You have been eating? Right?”

She bit her lip. My eyes narrowed.

“Don’t be mad, please.”

“How can I not be mad? Your condition isn’t something to take lightly! How long?”

“I don’t keep track it just happens,” she pulled away from my grasp, “I’ve been going through a lot of shit.”

She got up grabbing a shirt and putting it on.

“I don’t want to talk about it” she said as she stormed into her bathroom making sure to slam the door behind her.

“Running away from your problems won’t solve anything,” I shout after her

“Fuck off!”

“Are you really going to act like that right now?”

“Go away Yifan!”

I sigh and sit up. I swear she drives me crazy.

“If you’re going to be like this I really am leaving.”

Silence. I collect my clothes cursing under my breath because she took my shirt, luckily I had a jacket. I take one last glance at the door.

“I don’t know what’s been going on with you lately Leigh” more silence, “but call me when the girl I love comes back.”

Those are my final words before leaving out her room, not before her broken sobs reach my ears. My chest tightens, I hate when she cries, but I can’t bring myself to go comfort her. As much as my heart is telling me to my mind is saying no. Grabbing my jacket from the living room I put it on and zip it up before making my way to the elevator. I step in with so many questions in my mind, questions I’m afraid I’ll never get the answers to.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: eating disorder, alcohol abuse, blood

                                                                                                  Leighton 

Stupid.  
           I don't deserve him. Not when I can't even look him in the eye and tell him the truth. So instead I push him away. Because I'm afraid. Afraid of his reaction. What he'll do if he finds out the truth. My fingers linger over the bruise on my side, the one that had been haunting me for the past couple of days. He was the last person I wanted to see it. So shameful. Especially since I lied. That's all I seem to do these days. I'm turning into someone I despise. Someone he can't love.   
           As I stare at my reflection and through the tears I realize just how skinny I have gotten. I didn’t think that it was that noticeable. My burden is back to accompany all my other problems. I can feel it creeping through my veins, the regurgitating guilt of every meal I choke down, the self-hatred, but mostly the pain. There’s nothing left in me to come out. Each day I’m becoming a hollow shell of the person I want to be, the person I should be. I’ve come too far and been through so much already to let myself fall so hard.

Yet.

Here I am.

Falling.

Fast.

 

            The darkness once again consuming me. I know the path I’ve chosen is a dangerous one, but I can’t seem to stop. My need to see the good in people is causing me to bring forth the bad in myself, until there’s no more good left to give. And people just take and take and take until there’s no more left for me to give.

            Raising my fist I connect it with the mirror as hard as I can. My knuckles welcome the shards of glass. The sensation of pain runs up my arm as blood drips down the mirror. I stare at myself with hate in my eyes.

            A sudden knock at the door breaks my concentration. A small smile plays at my lips hoping it was Kris and that he actually stayed. It drops when the person on the other side speaks.

 “Why the fuck does it smell like sex in here. You told me you were a virgin.”

 Instant headache.

“What are you doing here Ashley?”

“You weren’t at school so I came to check on you”

“I’m fine you can leave now. Don’t you have class?”

“It’s 12 o’clock, it’s lunch time”

Sigh.

“That just means you’re not going back.”

“Nope.”

She popped her lips and I rolled my eyes. Looking down at my hand and down at the mess of blood forming on the floor. There was a dull throb but nothing I couldn’t handle, especially after cleaning it.

“I’ll be out after I take a shower”, I yell out to her so she doesn’t start knocking again.

“Whatever I’m going to make me a drink, want one?”

“Yes.”

I go on a hunt for my tweezers so I can pick the little pieces of glass out of my hand. When I’m done I pour a good amount of alcohol and peroxide to clean and disinfect it. When the bleeding slows I slip off my shirt realizing I’m wearing Kris’ instead of my own. I bring it up to my nose inhaling his scent with a heavy heart. I miss him already. After making the decision to call him later I walk over to the shower turning it on to its hottest setting before getting in. My whole shower was spent with my mind constantly going back to what happened between Kris and me. From his sinful hands and lips to how worried and upset he looked after finding out one of my secrets. The water running cold brought me out of my thoughts. I finished my shower and stepped out.

Staring at myself in the mirror my face is distorted where my fist print is now indented. As my eyes follow the trail of blood going down the mirror they stop on the one thing the mirror hadn’t distorted. My reality. My fingers dance across the bruise on my side as my mind goes back to how I really got it.

We had fought again. And because of my rapid weight loss he had gotten the best of me. I hated when he was high. I loathed the person he had become. A person who found dependency on substances that turned him into a monster.

“What the hell are you doing in there?!”

Sigh. I forgot she was here.

“I’m coming shut up.”

Out of instinct I reach for Kris’ shirt and put it on. Having his scent on me was comforting. I walk out of my bathroom and find Ashley sprawled out on a freshly made bed. I gave her a strange look proceeding to my dresser to get a pair of underwear to put on.

“Don’t look too surprised I told the maid you needed clean sheets,” I glared at her “I should be the one glaring. Who are you fucking?”

“No one.”

“Liar.”

I glare at her again.

“I’ll drop it for now.”

“You’ll drop it indefinitely.”

“I’m your best friend by right I should know these things.”

I ignore her and snatch up my drink on my nightstand finishing it off in a couple big gulps.

“You’re turning into an alcoholic.”

“You have your hobbies I have mines,” I shoot her a look.

“Touché.”

My phone went off.

“Oh yea someone’s been blowing you up.”

I pick it up, hoping there’s a message from Kris but left disappointed.

“It’s just Josh.”

“And what does the world’s perfect boyfriend want?”

Eye roll.

“He’s going to be in the city tonight and wants to go out.”

“Lucky you.”

She giggles. I feel nauseous.

“Yea lucky.”

I ignore the messages and missed calls from Josh in favor of texting Kris.

To Kris: I’m sorry. I’m going to get lunch with Ashley now. Are you still in the city?

From Kris: Whatever Leighton. No.

From Kris: Took you’re advice, going to Hong Kong

To Kris: Oh. When will I see you again?

From Kris: Don’t know.

To Kris: I love you

From Kris: Don’t say it unless you mean it Leigh

From Kris: I have to go now, planes about to take off

From Kris: Take care.

 

My eyes clouded over with unshed tears but I refused to cry over something I brought upon myself. Deciding it was best to give him his space I sent a reply to Josh saying a simple okay. Placing my phone down and trying my best to get my emotions in check I turned to face Ashely who was smiling stupidly at her phone. I laid down next to her on the bed. She looked over at me.

“Want to go get lunch?”

“No, not hungry.”

She looked at me with a raised eyebrow.

“Let me get a few more drinks in my system first,” I sigh.

“One more drink and then we eat.”

She gets up to go fix me another drink.

“Whatever.”

I lay there wallowing in my misery. She returns handing me my drink. Sitting up I down it in record time. I’m completely numb. I don’t remember putting on clothes or even where or what I ate when we went out.

I don’t come to until I’m leaning over my toilet vomiting out everything it had to offer. I don’t stop until I can taste copper and there’s an angry crimson hue staring back at me. I stare blankly into the toilet as the blood drip drip drips from my lip. As my eyesight gets hazy I start to sway. Bracing myself on the toilet I shut my eyes and shake away the dizziness. Once it’s at bay I struggle to find my feet.

Facing myself in the newly replaced mirror I wipe the blood from my lip, wash my hands and brush my teeth. My eyes have lost the sparkle of innocence they once held and my hair, once shiny and curly, lies lifeless and dull against my shoulders. My burdens are starting to show on the outside as well.

“Smile princess the Upper East Side is always watching you,” I mumble to myself.

Touching up my makeup and adjusting my outfit I make my way out my bathroom. No matter how numb I felt on the inside I had an image to portray. My reality put on the back burner for everyone else’s. Something I’ve been trained to do my whole life. Someday I’ll know what it’s like not to be numb anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The main character is very complicated she can't seem to get out of her own head. She will be very confusing but bear with her she has her reasons.

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I've had this sitting on my desktop for some months now and I'm finally posting it after some proof reading and tweaking. I hope you enjoy it! I would love to hear what you guys think so leave your feed back in the comments! 


End file.
